Well, if I was afraid yesterday, today I. AM. PETRIFIED!!!!
My sister posted this blog and highly encouraged all our team members to read it. So I did! As I read through his description of the legs of the race that I would be tackling (14, 19, and 31) I had to keep reminding myself that I HAVE A 12 MEMBER TEAM! He did this race solo. He, by himself, ran/biked/swam 285 miles. By himself! Team of one! ALONE, y’all! DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH???
That is freaking nuts!!
My bike and swim. Not freaking me out. My run? FUH-REAKING-OUT! Leg 14 is my first leg. I will have fresh legs. I will not have already climbed a stupid steep hill on a bike. I will not have already done 3 swim legs. I will not have already in total completed more than a triathlon. I will be fresh.
I still OBSESSIVELY looked at the map for my run leg. I did math, People! MATH! I calculated exact up and down grades throughout the full trail I’ll be running. MATH. At ten o’clock at night.
So do you know where my brain goes? It says that I need to cancel my recovery week this week and run, run, run!!! I have to calm my brain down. I really, really have to stick to my plan. It’s a good plan and will get me to where I need to be. I have to trust the plan. I have to keep saying I AM STRONG. I AM STRONG. I AM STRONG. I’LL BE READY!
So many thoughts. So many feelings.
As my husband watched part of my flip out, he calmly goes, “Now don’t you wish we’d have just scheduled a cruise?”
I laughed. HAH!
It pulled me right back to reality, and I confidently said, “No, I don’t. This is important to me.” He doesn’t get it. And that’s OK.
I’m not getting any younger. What if this is the only year that I can do this race? What if this is my last chance to even consider attempting this kind of insanity? What if I missed out on the opportunity to embark on such an amazing adventure with my family, my team members? I would regret it for the rest of my life. I would always wonder if I was capable enough to have done it. So, no. I don’t regret replacing a nice, relaxing cruise with the opportunity to push my physical capabilities to their limits.
This doesn’t mean I will quit freaking out about all the things every now and again. That’s part of the journey. Part of the experience. Part of the proof that I am strong. Part of the confirmation that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I will freak out with the confidence of knowing that I can do this.
And I will always maintain that doing this race solo is insane! INSANE!
Seriously. Go read his blog about it! I need someone besides me questioning his sanity!