Yesterday I went on a bike ride with my friend. We took a break on the river bank to take some pictures. My friend posted pictures on Facebook and tagged me. I have my settings locked down so that I have to approve everything I’m tagged in before it posts.
I took one look at this picture and my first thought was, “Oh my god, I’m so fat.” And I moved on without clicking the “allow on timeline” button.
I continued looking through my news feed and went back to that photo. Why would I not allow it to be seen? Simple. Because I had a knee jerk reaction to what my body looks like in the photo, that’s why.
For as many times as I have already come to terms with what my body looks like, it is clear that there will be many more times that I will need to get a grip.
I don’t look like I did 20 years ago. I don’t look like I did 10 years ago. The chances that I will ever look like I did before are slim to none.
How many times am I going to have to remind myself that I am strong? How many times am I going to have to remind myself that I am continuing to progress? How long will it take before I no longer have that knee jerk reaction to compare my current body with my younger body?
I went back to the photo and clicked the button that allowed everyone to see that picture. The picture of the chubby chick taking a moment to breathe and enjoy the beauty of the day. The picture of the chubby chick who had just ridden nine miles on a super hilly route with her lowest five gears not working. The picture of the chubby chick who would ride back home over the same grueling route from where she had just come. The picture of the chubby chick who would complete 17 miles on the bike and then do 36 minutes of a yoga ab sequence.
The chubby chick is strong!
The chubby chick can do what a lot of women her age can’t.
The chubby chick can do what a lot of women younger than her can’t.
The chubby chick needs to stop seeing herself as the chubby chick.