Shouldn’t Have


I’m going to a kick boxing class tonight. It’s been YEARS since I’ve done any kick boxing. Unlike YEARS ago, I track everything these days and was curious about the number of calories burned doing kick boxing. So I did what every normal person does and headed to Google.

“Google. How many calories burned doing kickboxing?”

All sorts of options for websites to choose from. I’m familiar with because they sponsor a lot of races, so I chose their link.

First page that comes up is a calorie calculator, but not for working out. For food. I already know what my BMR is but I entered my data anyway. Exactly what I knew it would say.

Then I noticed a tab: Ideal Weight.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: DON’T CLICK IT!!!!

I had the same thought.

There’s no way that whatever it said my “ideal weight should be” would be what it “actually should be.” But I filled out the information anyway. Why? I don’t know. Because I’m a glutton for punishment, maybe!

167 at the max. Yeh. That’ll never happen! And it never should happen!

At ten pounds heavier than that I was skinny. I’d look anorexic at 167. We won’t even try to imagine 132!!!!!!!!

At 177

At 187

At 197 (on the right).

Today I’m 221 – four pounds away from the highest I’ve ever weighed. I’m not skinny. I’m not even trim. I’m at a point where I feel horrible about the way I look and NEED to do something. But not 167 something. My happy place is between 195 and 200. That’s where I look healthy. Not teeny weeny super skinny like society tells us we should be, but healthy.

So yes. I went down the rabbit hole, knowing that the number would piss me off. But it gives me the chance to reflect for a minute about what’s rational and what’s not. It makes me sit back and go “What’s attainable and smart, and what’s not?”

Keep on keepin’ on.

Get some kickboxing done. Run a little here and there. Go for long bike rides along the river. Go for walks with my daughter. Play with my grandkids. Have drinks with my friends. Don’t beat myself up over some magical number that a computer tells me I should be. Do the things I do every day to make sure I’m staying as healthy as I can on the insides, even if the outside doesn’t want to cooperate.

Live my life.

Don’t look back!

2 thoughts on “Shouldn’t Have

  1. Wow, I just clicked on it and it told me 125-158. I was 161# both times I got pregnant and looked and felt fantastic. I was 157# at Ann’s wedding and I’m pretty sure that’s the skinniest I’ve ever been. I cannot imagine being 125# and having that look healthy at all. Ew! I’m 183# right now and need to drop 20# for sure, but not 50-60!

    • Hah! If I said “made ya look” would that be rude? LOL. Why do we do that to ourselves? I’m with you on the need to drop 20, but damn…50 – 60 would be insane. (and you looked great at Ann’s wedding, BTW)

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