Saving for Posterity

Sometimes there are stories that need to be remembered forever and ever. After spending a weekend with my smart, charming, hilarious grandsons there are a few things that I need to be able to look back on and laugh. I always say “Oh, that’s so awesome I would never forget it” but I always do.

“What was that awesome thing I was going to remember to tell Mark?”

Yeh, I don’t know.

So I’m putting this right here to remind me when my grandsons are older (and giving their momma hell) how sweet and funny they used to be.

Things kids do that are cute, but would be creepy if adults did it:

Most of the weekend was spent on the couch with PH playing Mario Cart. My back was all sorts of out of whack so not being a human jungle gym like I normally am, I appreciated his willingness to teach me all things Mario. My bangs were continually falling in my face. PH would reach up and move my hair off to the side and say “Your hair is on your glasses, Grandma.” “You hair is in your face, Grandma.” Repeat, repeat, repeat. Then out of the blue, he starts “petting” my hair and said, “Your hair is so soft, grandma.”

Kids say (and do) the darndest things:

While reading stories one night we got through the part of the book with numbers, colors, and shapes and are at the part of the book with ups and downs, bigs and littles. PH exclaims, “You’re so big….like an elephant!” Um, thanks buddy!

“Hey, Grandma, look! SD can walk when I help him!” I turn around and he’s practically got his baby brother in a half-nelson “walking” him across the floor. I did take the time to snap a picture of that before rescuing poor SD from his big brother’s helpful hands.

As I was cleaning up after lunch I went to toss a couple remaining tater tots from the plate into the garbage. A stray tot fell onto the floor. The human garbage disposal (a.k.a. SD) snatched it up and put it in his mouth before I even had time to blink. PH was horrified, to say the least. “GRANDMA, SD has something in his mouth!!” “That’s OK, it’s only a tater tot.” “But Grandma, it was on….THE FLOOR!” ::grandma chuckles a little:: “It’s alright, buddy, the floor is clean.” SD sits happily munching on the less-than-3-seconds-on-the-floor tot. PH stares in horror! Two brothers stamped from the same mold, but oh so different!

In random conversations since the time SD was born, my daughter has mentioned how completely different the boys are. A lot of those differences are in their eating habits. PH is about as picky as they come. SD will eat damned near anything (tater tots off the floor, as a prime example). One thing that SD will NOT eat is pureed anything. I know that Ann has mentioned it a number of times, but for some reason, I did not remember this as I was getting their lunch ready one day. There was a stack of pureed veggies sitting on the counter and I assumed it was so that I wouldn’t have to hunt for them. I popped open a container of sweet potatoes and put a spoonful into SD’s mouth. He did not even politely push it out of his mouth like he does when he’s done eating. He rocketed it straight out of his mouth and into my lap. His disgust at the lack of texture in the food was quite evident. I did not try to poison him again for the rest of the weekend.

Top ten ways to delay bedtime:

Grandma: “Time to get ready for bed.”

PH: “I need to straighten the blanket on the couch.” The blanket is always plopped on the pillow on the couch. He laid it out as straight and flat as possible, tucked the blanket between the cushions and back of the couch. Push it back a little here. Pull it over there to even it out. Spread it across the top to remove all crinkles. Look me square in the eyes, while Vanna Whiting the couch…. “Seeeeee.”

Grandma: “OK, let’s go potty.”

PH: “Wanna see how I do all four steps of potty time?”

Ummmmmm.

Step one – Potty, which means…Stand on the step stool in front of the toilet, just ever so slightly spread eagled. Lean forward placing a hand on each side of the tank like he was being placed under arrest. Start whizzing.

It was ALL I could do to contain my laughter at the posture. And took every bit of self restraint to not snap a picture of it.

Step two – Wipe. Yeh, he’ll be teased for ever and ever in the locker room for dab dab dabbing (with three sheets – ONLY 3 sheets, grandma) after pottying.

Step three – Flush. “This toilet is much harder to flush than upstairs, grandma.”

Step four – Wash hands. The look of concentration on his face as he washed and washed and washed his hands made me think that he *might* be singing the alphabet song in his head to ensure he washed for an adequate amount of time.

After the process he proudly announces “SEE!” Then put his stickers on the board, not getting in too large a rush to accomplish the task.

Grandma: “I’ll get your water, you head up to bed.”

PH: “What about chocolate milk. I need to make my chocolate milk.”

“Chocolate milk before bed?”

“But I used the potty.”

Ahhhhh.

::pours chocolate syrup into the milk while PH giggles at the farting sounds the container makes::

Grandma: “Alright…let’s head upstairs.”

PH: “What about your chocolate milk, Grandma.”

::pours chocolate syrup into milk for Grandma while PH giggles at the farting sounds the container makes::

Finally heads upstairs.

PH: “I need to brush my teeth.

::brushes teeth and finishes it off with one toothbrush swipe on his tongue::

Grandma: “Hop into bed.”

PH: “You need to read my stories. Stories are books. I want ten.”

Grandma: “You’ll get four.”

::reads four stories::

PH: “Look at all these books.

Proceeds to show me all the books in the bookcase.

Grandma: “OK, buddy, get into bed.”

PH: “I need a tissue. They’re in Mommy and Daddy’s room.” (He got milk on his mouth and that boy does NOT deal with having goop of any kind anywhere on his body.)

::heads down the hall to mommy & daddy’s room to get a tissue::

FINALLY, he’s convinced to climb in bed an snug under the blankies.

PH: “I need my songs, Grandma. I want three.”

Grandma: “I don’t know the songs your mom and dad sing. Do you want to hear the songs I used to sing to your mommy?”

PH:  ::nods his approval::

Grandma: ::proceeds to sing three songs…he’s asleep before the last song is over::

Grandma: ::very delicately tries to slither out of bed without waking up the boy::

PH: “I need you to sing just one more song that you used to sing to my mommy.”

Grandma: ::smarter by this point, starts slithering out of bed WHILE singing the last song::

And….scene

Bedtime for SD is a little different.

  • Heat up bottle.
  • Feed bottle.
  • Snuggle and rock for half a second.
  • Lay him in the crib.
  • Walk out the door.

BAM! Done!

The grandkids grow up so fast. The handful that live in my town I get to see a couple times a week or more. The handful who live more than a couple hours away I don’t get to see as often. To spend a whole weekend with these two little munchkins who are so smart and funny and freaking adorable made me so happy! I think the best part about it is watching how much they absolutely adore each other, and how protective big brother is of little brother. As different as they are, I can see them growing up to be the best of friends.

My heart!

 

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