Bring Down That Wall

Have you ever hit a wall? Whether it be with training, work, or whatever? That feeling when you’ve been going, going, going, going for so long and finally just…. can’t?

I feel like I’ve face-planted smack dab into the wall!

And not this wall:

But the wall where you’re burning the candles at all ends. More like this:

I don’t really feel stressed. As a matter of fact, I feel the opposite of stressed. I feel…. apathetic. Since December 2016 I have been on a non-stop training regimen for some fairly intense races. (Intense for me.) With a 10 week break at the beginning of this year to recover from a pretty severe ankle injury (THAT was stressful). A month before my half marathon I could feel myself hitting the wall where I just had zero fucks left to give about whether or not I even did the damned race. I did it. And I’m glad I did. But it was a mental struggle through the whole course and I don’t think I’d have finished it if it weren’t for my daughter being with me.

Since then? I think I’ve run five times. FIVE. I have a 15K next week and I’ve run FIVE times in the last seven (almost eight) weeks. And I don’t care. A week from Sunday is a 9.3 mile race and I don’t even care that, for all intents and purposes, I haven’t run or trained or barely even thought about it. And yet, I don’t feel stressed about it. I’ve done some walking when I haven’t felt like running, but not enough to consider it “training” for a 9 mile race. And still…not stressed about it. I considered dropping from the 15K to the 5K but just didn’t feel like it. I’ve done the distance before. I know I can WALK the distance in the time frame allotted. I just…can’t find it in myself to stress out about the race. Or, hell, even bother to want to train for it. Not that it would do any good to “train” a full week before. I’ve apparently been on an eight week taper. So I’m planning on just enjoying a 9 mile brisk walk around Forest Park in a week and then eating a nice brunch with my daughters and grandson. It actually sounds kind of perfect. It makes me wonder why I’ve stressed out so hard about races in the past. It’s not like I’m ever going to win the big money prize or anything. Yet I have stressed over them.

I’ve hit a wall pretty hard at work, too. This week it’s been horrifically mind numbing, and trying to get myself motivated to get moving in the morning and force myself to go into work is the last thing I want to be doing. I suppose this isn’t too far out of the norm because the week following a long weekend have always dragged.

All I really want to do is stay home, watch baking shows, and bake delicious things. Very practical, right?

I need to get a grip and get back into a more normal (for me) activity routine because I can tell that my body and mind are not dealing well with my lack of actual workouts. And that is affecting all other aspects of my world. It’s just that….I don’t wanna! (read that in the whiniest, most annoying voice you can come up with). I just don’t wanna. It’s dark when I get up in the morning. It’s dark when I get home from work. It’s cold. And I just want to bake yummy things.

Oy! Gotta break down that wall. It’s going to be a LONG winter otherwise!


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