And They All Came Tumblin’ Down

So I bought some new biking shorts. I liked ’em. They’re high waisted and hold my fat in quite sufficiently. They’re a little shorter than I like, but I didn’t foresee a problem with them. The fat on my thighs touch and that is bothersome, but mostly…they’re alright.

Then I rode the bike in them.

Missouri is SUPER MUGGY!

The skin on my thighs touch the saddle.


You know I’m recovering from an ankle injury, right?

Yes. All this is related!

I took a bike ride. When it gets really hot it’s easier on my body to ride the bike than to run, so I took a bike ride. I wore my shorty shorts. I moaned and groaned a little about my thighs actually touching the seat with my skin when I’m used to having material as a barrier. I got to my halfway point and stopped on a bridge to shake out my legs a bit and get a snack and drink of water.

I braked. I put my one foot on the ground (the one with the recovering ankle.  I swung my leg over the saddle just like I always do to dismount.

And then the magic happened.

My thigh was stuck to the saddle and pulled the bike towards my body. On my bad, unwrapped ankle, I began hop-hop-hopping away from the falling bike while trying to get my other leg clear of the seat.

There was cursing, and flailing, and praying that my ankle held up through the unexpected commotion.

Finally got both feet on the ground and caught the bike before it hit the ground, and did a quick look around to make sure there was nobody to witness the complete lack of grace with which I dismounted.

The chances are high that I will never wear the shorty shorts again. I’ll need to find a new owner. One who doesn’t mind thighs touching each other unencumbered by cloth.

No bikes were harmed in the making of this story.



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