And Then There Were Tears

When I began running in 2012 nobody ever told me what I was in for. I thought it would be a great way to get in shape and recover after a couple of different surgeries. I thought it would make me skinny again. I thought I’d just give it a try and see how it went and if I wasn’t feeling it, I’d just….stop.

Here we are six years later and I have an injured ankle, am unable to run, and have a race on Sunday. IN FIVE DAYS!!!

I did not know the emotional toll that not running for three weeks was going to have on me. I did not know that running has been keeping me so grounded.

When I injured my ankle at volleyball three weeks ago (from tonight, to be exact), I readjusted my whole workout schedule because I knew it would be at least a month before I was going to be able to run again. I needed to try and recover my ankle enough so that I didn’t have to miss my race, even if it meant walking the course. And I’ve done that. I’ll be able to complete my race.

Last night I was looking at my workout plan to see what kind of mind-numbing “alternative” workout I had in place since I couldn’t run. I was fine. I did my workout. Yoga. I logged it. I looked at the data. But there’s no data to see with yoga. It was a 35 minute practice and that’s all the data there is. No course to look at. No intervals to assess. No “best pace” to look at. Just 35 minutes of yoga. Day 3. Complete.

Then I made a crucial mistake. I went to my calendar to double check packet pick up times. And there, laid out before me, was my race training schedule. The FULL schedule. Not the one that I changed when I dropped from the half, or when I hurt my ankle, but my full half marathon training plan. The unexpected bursting into tears caught me off guard. The overwhelming sense of failure hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. Even though I have really come to terms with all that has gone on this winter, as well as how that has affected my race plans and training, the feeling that I had totally failed left me in a puddle of goo.

I’m better today and am back to my normal rational self, but last night was rough. I’ve circled back around to being OK with where I am today, and it was a real wake-up call to how important this whole running thing has become to me. After my race I’ll be getting on the bike to let my ankle completely heal, but I’m really looking forward to May 1 when I can start back into a normal run routine because the random tears are completely unacceptable!


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