The Momma Bear Heart

There has been some pretty serious camaraderie with me and two of my sisters who are participating in this crazy, insane race. They have talked me off the ledge of freakouts on more than one occasion. They are strong! They are outrageous! They are funny! They have been my rock throughout the whole training and planning part of the event.

This past week we have flip-flopped roles and I have been the one to help talk them off the ledge as the realities of what their respective race legs will be has settled in. We’ve always had a pretty good relationship, the three of us, but in the last three months the bond that has developed has been overwhelming – to the point of tears sometimes. I’m so grateful to have them in my life, and to have them be such a strong support system to me as I’ve scratched and clawed my way through my training.

One of the most tedious of tasks is still incomplete. Van assignments. On a normal Ragnar, van assignments are easy. Divvy up the legs. Put your runners in a van. Head out to the course. No need to shuffle people between vans. Just easy. When you throw in biking and swimming, it becomes difficult. Not everyone is a strong swimmer. Not everyone is a strong runner. Not everyone is a strong biker. So divvying up the legs in a manner that we can throw six people in one van and six in the other and just go is not possible.

This has caused me an untold amount of anxiety. I know the legs of the race that are causing my sisters stress. I have felt their stress. They have felt my stress. And logistically, I can’t spend the race with them. We will be separated by the logistics of our race legs and it has sent my emotions into a tale spin. I mean, really. I know it’s silly, but being separated from half the team for the whole race is freaking me out. I know it’s the nature of the beast with this type of race, but I have that stupid momma bear thing that is shouting at me right now. HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS DOING OK IF I’M NOT THERE TO LOOK AFTER THEM????????

I know this is something that I’m going to have to deal with. It’s my issue, and mine alone, but I have this tightness in my chest knowing that for all we’ve shared throughout the days and months preceding the race, I will not be able to share the race days with them. And that is very hard. And it makes my heart hurt.

Me and my partners in crime.

2 thoughts on “The Momma Bear Heart

  1. I have loved following along with your training. In my mind, I think that you have already shared the race day together by creating stronger bonds and having the collective experience. Sure, you’re not side-by-side – but maybe this experience has you and your sisters pursue a different event where you’re experiencing the moments simultaneously.

    Also, I can get over how much Ann loves pls like one of your sisters!

    • The resemblance runs strong in my family. Ann also looks a TON like her dad’s sister. 😉

      My sisters have already tried getting me to sign up for a triathlon with them. I’m sure they’ll hound me a lot until I give in.

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