Let’s Talk About Poop, Baby

Also – TMI warning!

I’ve had many, many discussions with friends about one thing: are you a poop checker or not? When you poop, do you turn around to check it out? Or do you simply flush and run away?

I am surprised by the number of people who don’t check their poop. It’s a perfect barometer of your state of physical health.

One day while scrolling through pinterest I found this little chart and immediately burst out laughing. And secondarily went, Yeh – that’s good information.

Poop is important. It’s not a very delicate topic, but it’s important to know what your poop is like.

That being said…(yeh, you knew something good was gonna happen here)…

The other day after doing my duties(doo-dees?), I did the proper hygiene thing and wiped up…

…and there was blood!

I FUH-LIPPED my shit! (pun totally intended)

My brain immediately started going to my family health history (hello colon cancer), and I ran through the list of all the things that blood in your shit indicates, because I’m obviously gonna die.

I quickly bent over the porcelain for a closer inspection to see exactly how soon it would be before the grim reaper knocks on my door. No blood in the poop. All normal. What? That’s impossible, because clearly I’m going to die!

Bewildered, I grabbed the mirror, dropped my drawers, and did an inspection.

Goddamnedhemorrhoids!!!!!!!!!! Why you gotta treat me like that!

*sigh

I’m fine, folks. No need to panic. Just old as dirt.

 

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