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The emotional highs and lows are as dynamic as the Wasatch Mountain Range.

I feel calm about my choices. And then I don’t.

I am secure in my abilities. And then I’m not.

I feel I’ve made a good training plan. And then I don’t.

I’m confident about my event. And then I’m not.

Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day. My feelings and confidence levels ebb and flow. Rising like a tide ready to conquer all that lies in its path, then dropping into a cavernous space where all is lost. There is no rhyme or reason to my confidence levels plummeting. There is no magical potion that lifts me up and makes me feel indestructible.

It’s exhausting.

And exhaustion brings doubt, fear, anger, aggression, insecurity; ultimately leading to a meltdown. And I feel it coming on. The wall is looming and the crash and burn is inevitable. I’ve been through this cycle before, but not to this extent.

The loftier the goal, the larger the come-apart. And this is a lofty goal! Bigger than I’ve ever considered a possibility. The fear is nearly paralyzing.

Tomorrow I’ll be strong again.

But today I’ve completely fallen apart.

And so it goes.