Him: We’re out of the bread you made last weekend.
Me: Do I need to make more bread tonight?
Him: Of course. (pause) I’m kidding, you don’t need to make bread.
Me: There’s half a loaf of store bought bread in the bread box.
Him: I’m not eating that shit!!!
Me: You’re so spoiled. (walks out the door and head back downstairs to work to the sound of his laughter)
Later today: (I made bread, and since I had dough going I went ahead and made some homemade pizza)
Me: (after he walks back into the room with a second helping of pizza) So, you like the pizza? It didn’t suck?
Him: Oh my god, it’s HORRIBLE! I’m only eating it so that you don’t have to suffer through finishing it off.
Me: I really appreciate how you look after our family.
(eruption of laughter)
He’s a dork!