Do you remember how yesterday I told you all about my contortion skillz? I thought you might. So here’s the rest of the story.
I got home from work and was getting ready to change into my workout clothes and decided that since I was already dressed I should try to get into one of the torture chambers that I purchased. Yes, I purchased more than one. One was the recommended size (the one that got stuck around my shoulders) and one the size just above it. Because I’m an optimist by nature, I tried on the recommended size first. I knew that I would need to bring it up over my hips because there was no way that I was risking having my husband walk in the door from work to find me entangled in spandex.
I got the thing up to my hips and then began the yank & tug process in an effort to get it over my hips. It’s like having a baby. Or at least a broad-shouldered baby like I had. I knew that is I could get it past the hips the rest would be a cake walk. Just like getting those broad shoulders out. Once that happened, the rest of the baby practically fell out. Well, I got the damned thing over my hips and the Pollyanna in my brain let out a little “WHOOP” because now it was going to just slip right into place. Somebody should really slap that Pollyanna bitch who lives in my brain!
Tuck the dunlap in.
Pull some more!
OK. I can breathe. I have the thing up and on! What the hell! I got it on! And I wasn’t dead. I was sweating, but I wasn’t dead. So I put my dress on just to see if it would smooth out the lumps as advertised.
Dude! Someone needs to clean my mirror!
So…not as lumpy. Not perfect. But I’ll take it!