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Tanning.

I KNOW!!!!

I went on a cruise years ago – my first. I bathed in sunscreen every day. I came home after three days with a horrific sunburn.

A year or two later – my second cruise. I went to a tanning booth for a few weeks before my cruise. I bathed in sunscreen every day. I came home with a great tan. No sunburn. No pain.

Want to guess where I stand on tanning before spending a week in the tropical sun?

I tan.

I KNOW!!!

It’s so bad for you.

That being said, I have a method. And it’s slightly ridiculous, but I have a nice, even tan by the time I’m finished. I’d like to think I’m not the only one who goes through these motions.

I start off on my side. Nothing worse than a white strip down each side. I'm too big for the lights to even hit my sides (sad) so I have to lay on my side. This also gets my side boob and helps keep white creases from between my arm pit and side boob.

I start off on my side. Nothing worse than a white strip down each side. I’m too big for the lights to even hit my sides (sad) so I have to lie on my side. This also gets my side boob and helps keep white creases from between my arm pit and side boob.

When I’m on my side (above) my head is lying on a pillow, protecting my face from the light on one side. I have a towel draped over my face to protect it from the light above. I stay here for 5 minutes.

Then I roll onto my stomach. This keeps me from getting a white crease right underneath my butt cheeks. Yikesy.

Then I roll onto my stomach. This keeps me from getting a white crease right underneath my butt cheeks. Yikesy.

When I’m lying on my belly I have my chin resting on a pillow, thus protecting my face from the light. I stay here for 5 minutes.

Then I roll onto my back and raise my left arm like I'm waving at someone. I bend my left leg and keep my right leg straight. This gets the inside of my right leg, which sees no light in the first pose when I'm on my side. It also lets light into my underarm area, which I'm sure you can image gets no light when my arm is straight at my side.

Then I roll onto my back and raise my left arm like I’m waving at someone. I bend my left leg and keep my right leg straight. This gets the inside of my right leg, which sees no light in the first pose when I’m on my side. It also lets light into my underarm area, which I’m sure you can image gets no light when my arm is straight at my side.

Once I roll onto my back (pic above and below) I take the towel off my face. I only expose my face to the light for half the time. That’s my compromise with tanning. I don’t want a wrinkly old face from tanning so I do take some measures to protect it. It probably sounds weird to wear sunscreen when you are going to a tanning booth, but I keep 20spf on my face when I tan. I wear a tinted moisturizer that helps hide the fact that I only tan my face half the time.

I end on my right side, in the same position as when I'm left-facing. Gotta make sure each inner leg gets even time, ya know.

I end on my right side, in the same position as when I’m left-facing. Gotta make sure each inner leg gets even time, ya know.

In these last two positions I stay right facing and left facing for 5 minutes each, for a total of 20 minutes of tanning time. When I’m right facing, I tilt my head towards the right, and the same for my left facing pose. I never face straight forward. My nose is too prominent and it seems to take all the color. So I point my nose away from the center of the light.

Whew! I tell you, it’s an ordeal! But I plan on being pain free for my week in the sun. So, do I buy my cancer? Yes. Do I know it’s not good for me? Yes. Do I care if you judge me for it? Not really. And you know what? I’ll go through the same process in June before my baby’s wedding, and again in September before my oldest’s wedding.

Buying cancer – one tanning session at a time!

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