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It would appear that once you turn 50 your body just goes to shit! It’s true. Within a month’s time I will have my baseline colonoscopy that every 50 year old is privileged to endure, my yearly mammogram, and something new. An appointment with my doctor to go over my options for having elevated thyroid numbers. Two years ago my thyroid was at a 4.something, which is on the high end of normal. Normal is between .5 and 6.0. Now it’s at 7.88. I guess that’s not astronomical, but it is a pretty good jump over a couple year period of time.

It’s odd that I’m relieved about this. The weight gain and the difficulty in trying to take it off has been so far beyond frustrating. Many tears have been shed over the struggle. I just couldn’t believe that so much hard work could go unrewarded. So, yes. A complete relief to find out there is a reason for this!

Let’s check out the symptoms of a wonky thyroid, taken from Mayo Clinic’s website:

  • Fatigue – Check
  • Increased sensitivity to cold – middle of summer, hard to tell, especially since my internal thermostat has always been a little to the cold side.
  • Constipation – Check – with all the fruits and veggies I eat I should be shitting through a sieve.
  • Dry skin – Check
  • Unexplained weight gain – Check, check, fucking CHECK again!
  • Puffy face – Um, we call this FAT, so – Check
  • Hoarseness – No
  • Muscle weakness – Hard to tell, I work out like a bitch, but running is HARD so who knows if this is a Check or a “Cristy’s a wimp.”
  • Elevated blood cholesterol level – Actually, my cholesterol has come down over the past two years (see “work out like a bitch”)
  • Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness – Oh my god, YES – Check! (however “work out like a bitch”)
  • Pain, stiffness or swelling in your joints – Check (or see “running is HARD”)
  • Heavier than normal or irregular menstrual periods – Um…evicted uterus, so…NO.
  • Thinning hair – No, not thinning, but it’s…different. It’s strange. It feels different texture-wise but I’m not losing hair.
  • Slowed heart rate – I don’t check my pulse ever so I really can’t give an honest answer for this.
  • Depression – Read anything in this blog that is tagged “trauma” and we know that we call it Situational not Clinical.
  • Impaired memory – Oh My God YES – CHECK CHECK CHECK

All these things that I’ve been experiencing I have been able to attribute it to…something. I assumed the weight gain was from my hormone because I noticed that I started putting on weight after my hysterectomy. The muscle/joint issues were easy to brush off because after my last surgery almost two years ago I’ve been doing pretty heavy duty workouts. My memory…well, ya’ll…I am 50!!

So, you see, everything kind of made sense. Except for the weight gain (doc says hormone therapy shouldn’t affect it this much). It just did not make sense that as hard as I was working, and as healthy as I’ve been eating that I could NOT drop anything. Sure, I’ve lost some. But I don’t consider 20 pounds in 20 months a weight loss program. One pound per month, when I’m on an 1800 – 2000 calorie diet and burning between 300-900 calories per workout depending on whether I’m walking, running, biking or swimming is not significant!!

You know what this means? When you look at my fat ass and start to pass judgment, just get out of my fucking way and pass me a god damned donut! Because I have a Thyroid issue!!!