One Horrifying Moment In Time

I realize that I already posted today, but there are some stories that just can’t wait to be told.

When Mark and I watch TV at night I always have a glass of water sitting close by. The back of my couch has a nice little shelf that acts as my cup holder. I drink out of these 32 ounce plastic cups that we got from Shakespeare’s Pizza and they’re the perfect size for water. Last night was no different. Large glass of water sitting on the ledge between the cushion of the couch and the wall. Every night it’s the same. I sip on water while we catch up on DVRd shows.

We had shut the TV off and Mark was in bed as I put the lights out. Remembering that I hadn’t finished my water I reached over in the dark and grabbed my cup and SWIG! Something very scratchy hit my throat. With a mouthful of water and some foreign scratchy object in my throat I had two choices: 1) Spit water all over and hack out the scratchy object or, 2) Swallow. Swallow. Swallow.

Swallow! Shudder! Worst case scenario runs rampantly through my brain. Because I’ve obviously just swallowed this:

_66752146_spider

Spider the size of your FACE!

Right?

RIGHT??

I mean, what else could it have been?

I feel instantly nauseous because that thing^^^^^^^^^^ is clearly going to be trying to crawl out of mah belleh! So I did the only natural thing. I ate a cookie! And drank more water. I’ve never in my life had such a strong desire to drink bleach. Or gasoline. Or rat poison. Anything that would kill whatever I had just swallowed.

I get in bed trying to sleep when my tongue tingles. I sit bolt upright in bed certain that my throat is swelling shut.

BREATHE DEEPLY!

OK. I can still breathe. My throat is not swelling shut.

I popped a couple benadryl. You know. Just in case. And then I tried to get to sleep.

I don’t know how many hours it was before the benadryl kicked in and I fell asleep, but it felt like an eternity of that ^^^^^^^ spider scrolling through the video in my brain.

I’m still alive this morning.

And I swear I’m not crazy.

But I’m fairly certain I swallowed a spider or some other sort of scratchy bug last night.

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly I don’t know why she swallowed a fly – perhaps she’ll die! There was an old lady who swallowed a spider, That wriggled and wiggled and tiggled inside her; She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly – Perhaps she’ll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;
How absurd to swallow a bird.
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly – Perhaps she’ll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a cat;
Fancy that to swallow a cat!
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly – Perhaps she’ll die!
There was an old lady that swallowed a dog;
What a hog, to swallow a dog;
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly – Perhaps she’ll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a cow,
I don’t know how she swallowed a cow;
She swallowed the cow to catch the dog,
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly – Perhaps she’ll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse…
She’s dead, of course!

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