The heart of a mother. *sigh*
It doesn’t matter how old the kids get, they never leave a mother’s heart. To watch our kids learn from their mistakes is a difficult thing to do. I haven’t talked much about Matt, mostly because I don’t know what to say. He’s made some bad choices in his young life. He’s refused to learn from some of his choices. Without going into all the details, he has a felony record and now, at 26 the magnitude of some of his choices is beginning to set in. It hurts to see the realization on his face when it sinks in, once again, that he’s made a mess of things. We had one of those moments last night.
Mark and I have a cruise planned for the Fall. We were talking about it after playing games and Matt’s SO said she thought it would be fun to go. Matt’s been wanting to go on another cruise for a while. He hasn’t been since we took him for his High School Graduation present. We spent some time looking through the cruise line’s website. Checking out shore excursions. Looking at the ship’s layout. Peering at all the different types of staterooms and amenities and entertainment on board. It was a giddy atmosphere. Janel was asking about the cost and time frame. Her job is always pretty busy at the end of the month so we were discussing how many days she’d actually have to miss in order to go. We talked about travel arrangements down to the departure port. We talked about the other people who were going. The excitement levels were high.
Then the shoe dropped. Matt got suddenly serious and said, “I can’t leave the country.” Silence. The only sound was of my heart falling out of my chest. The look on his face nearly killed me. The realization that not only was a vacation jeopardized, but that it was directly impacting his girlfriend was written all over his face.
Mark and I saw this coming years ago. We talked to him. Constantly. But he was invincible. He knew better. “I got this.” “Get off me.” Standard statements from him. And now all the talking in the world means nothing. Because now….he gets it! He finally gets it. But he will have a felony record that will follow him the rest of his life. And there will be no vacation with us in the Fall. And there is a mom and dad still nursing a broken heart.