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I put together a batch of Sangria the other night to let it start marinating for Thanksgiving. I thought I’d better give it a little test run. You know. Just to make sure that it’s safe for human consumption.

For the record. It’s safe! It was a little winey. Not as in “wah, wah, wah” but as in “still tastes too much like dry wine.” You see, this is why I had to taste test it.  So I added more pomegranate juice, fresh blackberries and raspberries, then let it sit while I started the pies and then taste tested again. The sacrifices I make for my family are incredible. You may all take a moment of silence.

Thanks, man. I really appreciate that.

Pies! I love pie. Tonight it was the apple pies. Tomorrow will be the pumkpin pies. I tried a new recipe for the apple pie. Not sure how I feel about the crumbly topping as opposed to the two crust pies, but we’ll find out. So….let’s get right to it, shall we?

Mix together 1 cup of sugar, 4 tablespoons of cornstarch, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg. And as I type this I realize that I forgot to put the pinch of salt in it. Oops. Blame the Sangria. Now, let’s talk about cinnamon for a bit. We all know that I follow recipes to the tee! Never shall I stray. But seriously, folks. One teaspoon of cinnamon? What’s up with that? So I didn’t measure. I dumped. And I think I dumped just a LEETLE bit too much. I’m pretty sure it will be OK.  Anyway…mix all this stuff together in a bowl.

And then in another bowl:

Mix together 1 and a half cups of flour, 1 cup of packed brown sugar and 1/2 to 3/4 cup of softened butter, cut into chunks. You’ll cut this in with a pastry blade until it’s crumbly. But wait one gol-durned-pickin’ moment. No cinnamon in this? That’s ridiculous! I’m pretty sure it needs cinnamon. *sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle* and that’s much better. Oh, and what’s a crumbly topping without nuts. Seriously. Who comes up with these recipes? Walnuts, it is! Remember the Sangria? I totally don’t trust myself with a knife, so instead I got my meat tenderizer out of the drawer and pounded the shit out of the bag of walnuts. It works just as well as dicing them. And it’s way quicker, and much safer. Well, safer if you’ve been “testing” your Sangria. Anywho…mix all that stuff together until it’s crumbly. Nutty and crumbly and cinnanomany.

THEN we get to the imporatnt part! The apples. Twelve of them. Since the recipe is doubled. Oh yeh. Did I tell you I doubled the recipe?? So if you’re only making one pie you’d best cut the amounts in half.

I have only one thing to say here. If you are  making apple pie and do NOT have one of these widgets I’m going to have to assume that you’re either on crack or from outer space. Because seriously, this is the best invention on the face of the earth. I mean…look how neatly they cut up an apple. Below, guys.  Look below!

Inn’t it purty?

Five minutes to peel, core, and slice a dozen apples! Boo-yah! You can’t do that with a paring knife! Plus, keep in mind that I feel knives are dangerous in my hands at the moment.

Mix the sugar/cornstarch mixture in with the apples. Dump the apples into two pie crusts. Sprinkle the crumbly, nutty stuff over the top of it. And cover the edges with tin foil. Or if you’re super fancy like I am, you can buy these handy-dandy pie crust covers. Best four bucks I’ve ever spent. You can reuse them if you want, but I don’t. I make pies once or twice a year and it’s worth it to go buy them.

Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 75-80 minutes or until the topping is all nice and brown and bubbly.

And now there is only one more problem.

Who in the plaid rabbit hell is going to clean up this mess?

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