Random Thoughts

When Words Hurt

My whole life I have processed my thoughts and feelings by writing them down. I used to keep a journal. You know. It’s that book of blank pages. You use a pen. Let’s see. How to describe a pen. It’s this hollow, cylindrical piece of metal that has a tube filled with ink, and it’s used for writing. Writing is a thing that we no longer do because everything is texted or typed.

Back in the days of the dinosaurs I kept a journal. I would write about everything! Every happy, sad, angry feeling went from my brain, through the pen, onto the paper. As I would re-read what I wrote I somehow found the answers that I needed. Or recognize the feelings that needed to be felt. It was the perfect solution. Perfect until my ex husband (then-husband) snooped and read through one of my journals. That did NOT go well. So, my one avenue in life where I could be 100% honest about things I felt was taken away from me. I never wrote again.

With the advent of blogging, that desire to write what I was feeling re-awakened in me! My biggest hangup is that I know people can read what I write. So I don’t write my deepest, darkest thoughts because at times there are others who could be hurt by my words. And it isn’t because I want to verbally pummel anyone. It’s that my feelings about certain things and people would hurt their feelings, and that is never my intention.

So. I have angst. It has been a very difficult summer and fall. And for many different reasons. And I need to write and process and figure out my heart and brain. Perhaps get my heart and brain in actual agreement with each other. But I can’t. So I supply pictures of cute little deer and ducks and random, meaningless things as I struggle to get past the darkness. I know I’ll get past it. I always do. It’s just easier when I can write!

4 thoughts on “When Words Hurt”

  1. Just write in a word document and call it something weird that no one would look at. This would work particularly well if you have your own computer. I totally understand the feeling of it having some sort of weird glitch that might be it published….I’m like that too.
    Or write an email to someone not involved. Don’ t think the internet would glitch that.

  2. Who said the only place you could write was here? You think my blog is the only place I write? (hint: it isn’t). If it helps to write, then WRITE. Just….elsewhere. Hell, start a private blog for just you if you feel like it’s easier to type.

    If you know an avenue helps you process, don’t deprive yourself of that avenue.

    1. I’ve actually thought about just writing and not publishing, but have this whacky fear that some weird glitch in the interwebz would suddenly publish all things unpublished. Because I’m sane and rational like that! 😉

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