My whole life I have processed my thoughts and feelings by writing them down. I used to keep a journal. You know. It’s that book of blank pages. You use a pen. Let’s see. How to describe a pen. It’s this hollow, cylindrical piece of metal that has a tube filled with ink, and it’s used for writing. Writing is a thing that we no longer do because everything is texted or typed.
Back in the days of the dinosaurs I kept a journal. I would write about everything! Every happy, sad, angry feeling went from my brain, through the pen, onto the paper. As I would re-read what I wrote I somehow found the answers that I needed. Or recognize the feelings that needed to be felt. It was the perfect solution. Perfect until my ex husband (then-husband) snooped and read through one of my journals. That did NOT go well. So, my one avenue in life where I could be 100% honest about things I felt was taken away from me. I never wrote again.
With the advent of blogging, that desire to write what I was feeling re-awakened in me! My biggest hangup is that I know people can read what I write. So I don’t write my deepest, darkest thoughts because at times there are others who could be hurt by my words. And it isn’t because I want to verbally pummel anyone. It’s that my feelings about certain things and people would hurt their feelings, and that is never my intention.
So. I have angst. It has been a very difficult summer and fall. And for many different reasons. And I need to write and process and figure out my heart and brain. Perhaps get my heart and brain in actual agreement with each other. But I can’t. So I supply pictures of cute little deer and ducks and random, meaningless things as I struggle to get past the darkness. I know I’ll get past it. I always do. It’s just easier when I can write!