Tomorrow is the last day of the month. I can’t honestly say that I’m sorry to see July end. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. Up and down and up and down and up and down. My heart has been on my sleeve for all to see. When I laugh, I laugh harder. When I cry, I cry longer. When I cringe I cringe deeper. My feelings are much more intense than I ever remember experiencing. There have been some bizarre highs and lows.
Friday at work I was testing a new video conferencing system with my boss and IT director. My boss and I were sitting on the conference table while the IT director was explaining the inner workings of the new device. Without any warning he showed us how the camera worked. And there, on the TV, in bright bold color was my backside. He had the camera sitting out where the audience would be sitting if we were having a meeting. You know how they say that a camera adds ten pounds? Well, they are wrong! This camera added 30 pounds! I’m fairly certain that there weren’t THREE cameras on me, so yeh…now you know. A camera adds a good 30 pounds. I could not have sat straight enough to get rid of all those rolls. I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide!
This morning Michelle called me. She had to leave at the butt-crack of dawn to take her friend to the airport so she called to check in once she got done at the airport and was headed on her way to my mom’s house. She said that she had called Ann for something but Ann didn’t answer the phone. Within moments her phone was ringing. Michelle picks it up, “Hello, big sister!” A deep, non-Ann voice answered, “Hi.” He knew she was going to be in town and made sure to call her back just in case she needed help. Awwww. Michelle was telling me this and weird, emotional me starts tearing up at his concern for my baby. I was just so glad that Ann has found someone so thoughtful and caring. I couldn’t ask for anything better for my daughter. Of course, to reward him for being nice to her baby sister, Ann let my dad corner him and spew his nonsense that he’s inclined to do. Poor GCB.
Then I was coming home from work tonight and Bohemian Rhapsody came on the radio. I was singing along like I normally do and half way through the song I just burst into tears. This immense sadness. A sadness that I’ve grown accustomed to over the past month. And it hits at the strangest times.
Over the weekend and tonight as I sit and watch the Olympics and see the interviews with the athletes, watch the tears when they win, the tears when they lose, the national anthems (and not just mine) as these young people stand on the podiums representing their countries I choke back tears of fierce patriotism.
I have been all over the board! This emotional overload has me drained. I don’t know what I’ll be wearing on my sleeve tomorrow. Forget tomorrow! I don’t know if I’ll be laughing or crying five minutes from now. (A lot of that will depend on whether the US beats Brazil or not….no spoilers, please. I have it all on DVR.)
All this crap is exhausting! It’s definitely out of my element. I’m wondering if this will just be my new normal. I guess the crazy emotions would just make me a normal girl, right? (kidding…don’t throw things!)