State Of The…

You thought I was going to say “Union” or “State,” didn’t you? Well, I guess I could because I had to watch my Twitter feed fill up with quotes from our State of the State address, so I know all the excuses now as to why things aren’t happening that were “sworn” to happen during all the campaign hoopla. Let’s just say I’m less than surprised.

Anyway. I will not bore you with a rant about what I think about politics in general and politicians in specific. Instead I will delight you with the state of my nether regions. I know that’s much more along the lines of what you want to read about. (I see my brother RUNNING from this post, fingers in ears, yelling loudly “lalalalalalala”!)

It’s been a week since my surgery. Yesterday I was feeling very much like I thought I’d be feeling:  on the mend, regaining some energy, positive. Today? Not so much. I forget that during a recovery there are good days and bad days.  I forget the emotional toll that a recovery takes.

One of the things that has been dragging me down is the lack of bowel activity. I’m following doctor’s orders to a tee, and I’m managing to go some every day. But I can tell that it’s not moving enough. This has caused me to feel very bloated and uncomfortable. I can walk up and down the hall. Up and down the stairs. I tried the treadmill, but I don’t know if there is a problem with it or if it’s part of the design, but it won’t work right set at just 1.5 – 2.0 miles per hour. It gets all jerky and the last thing that I need is to stumble on a jerky treadmill. So I’ve been limited to walking around the house. I knew that I needed some motion to get my bowels, well…moving.

When Mark got home from work last night he drove me to the mall. When the weather’s ooky outside we will sometimes go walk at the mall. Yup. You heard it here first. I’m a mall walker. I know that you’re now picturing a hunched up old lady with purple hair, velure sweatsuit, and a cane. That’s not me. Well, actually, the cane would have come in handy. We normally walk three laps. Mark dropped me off at the door and I waited while he parked the truck (getting into the truck before we left home was an adventure all by itself, but I’ll just leave that to your imaginations and proceed with the story). We started walking. I was sauntering. Mark was about five strides ahead of me and I said, “You do remember that we’re out for a stroll, right?” He chuckled and reminded me that he was strolling and that normally he’s at a near sprint trying to keep up with me on our walks. We didn’t even get a third of the way around when I started to feel very dizzy and lightheaded. There was an old couple sitting on the couch by the Dillards end, so I slowed down a bit until we got to the Penney’s end, then I told Mark I needed to sit down. I told him to finish the round and I’d join him on his next loop around. I think he was grateful for that because as difficult as it is for him to walk full tilt when I’m normal, it was even more difficult for him to walk so slow, especially knowing that we were walking so slow for a reason.

He made his lap around and I was feeling much better by the time he got back to me, so I got up and walked to the Sears end of the mall and sat down again. Right in front of some BEAUTIFUL stainless steel refrigerators that they had on sale and sitting out in the corridor. *drool*

Then I walked to the main entrance and waited while he did his last lap. It was all I could do to not cry while I waited for him to finish his last lap. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the amount of work it was going to take to get back into shape once my doctor releases me to work out normally. The logical part of my brain tries to reassure the emotional part of my brain that it has only been one week since surgery. But the emotional part of my brain gives a big ol’ flock of birds and a “fuck you” to the logical part of my brain.

I was exhausted when we got home. Got myself all snuggled up back onto the couch in front of the TV…my perch for the last week. Had barely got settled in when I felt something down there! I went to the bathroom to check things out, and wouldn’t you know it…I’m bleeding again!! The bleeding had all but stopped since surgery so I thought I was done with that. But, nope…bleeding. Instantly the hot tears hit my cheeks. Frustration. How is going for a walk at the mall different from walking around my house, up and down the stairs, up and down the hallway. Walking is walking is walking! It was just so illogical to start bleeding again after going for a walk! I was so distressed.

When I pulled myself together and walked back into the TV room Mark took one look at me and goes, “Is everything OK?” I’d make a terrible poker player. I told him that I was bleeding again and he goes, “From the walk? or from the dishes?” Oh, yeh…I forgot to tell you that I did dishes yesterday….found out really quickly after getting the chore done why the doc said not to.  *sigh* I don’t know which of those activities started the bleeding again, but needless to say, I was less than thrilled about it.

So today…the bleeding is under control again, but folks…the bowels are moving!!! I’ve been doing nothing but laying on the couch today so that I could get the bleeding back under control (not like I can ‘apply direct pressure’ to stop it like you would a normal wound). I’m so happy to have normally functioning bowels. I know that I overdid it yesterday to get them moving, and I know that I need to find a happy medium, but for now I’m just happy to not feel all bloated and ucky and puffy.

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