>This story begins more than two decades ago, but to spare you the details of the many times that I came close to killing this child, I will focus on the last few years. Although, the stories of her near-death experiences are entertaining, to say the least.
November 2008 – Melissa meets Jackson. Melissa falls head over heels in love with Jackson. Melissa decides she’s going to join the marine corps because the 12,000 bucks she spent at massage therapy school seems like such a pittance that throwing it down the tubes isn’t a big deal.
December 2008 – Melissa and Jackson become engaged. Jackson tries to convince Melissa to NOT join the marine corps. Something about her being able to come out of boot camp at a higher rank than him ruffles his feathers and makes him feel less manly. So Melissa begins to give up her plans of joining the corps.
New Years Eve 2008 – Melissa calls mommy in tears because Jackson has dumped her. She is four hours from home (which at the time was Phoenix). Her uncle buys her a bus ticket so that she can get home. Twelve days later she leaves for boot camp at Parris Island, South Carolina.
Spring 2009 – Melissa graduates from boot camp, completes MCT, gets stationed in Florida for a month then is stationed in 29 Palms…where Jackson was stationed. Jackson gets deployed. Melissa meets Eric. Melissa falls in love with Eric. Melissa gets engaged to Eric.
Fall 2009 – Jackson is due to return from Afghanistan and begins calling Melissa begging her to take him back. Eric goes home for Thanksgiving and cheats on Melissa with his ex-girlfriend. Melissa is pissed, breaks up with Eric, gets back together with Jackson. Because she realizes that he’s always been “the one” she loved. Melissa comes home on leave. Jackson visits the family to meet mommy and step-daddy. Jackson spends the weekend telling us how wonderful he is. Jackson is a bit of an ass. Melissa is a big girl and can make her own decisions.
Spring 2010 – Melissa calls mommy in tears because Jackson has dumped her. Again. Mommy tries to not say “I told you so” and be supportive. Mommy has learned by this time that when Melissa calls, to not get riled up because it seems that Melissa feeds on this.
Summer 2010 – Melissa calls mommy in tears because she was caught with drug paraphernalia in her vehicle and is in big trouble and they may throw her out of the military. Long story.
Fall 2010 – Melissa meets Zack. Melissa falls in love with Zack. Mommy tells Melissa that she really needs to learn to be happy by herself before she can be happy with a boyfriend. Melissa scoffs.
Fall 2010 – Melissa has her hearing wherein the bozo who threw her under the bus for the pot incident. Bozo goes to the brig and is demoted to Private. Melissa sends out resumes to massage therapy places to see if she can get a job once she’s booted out of the marine corps.
Christmas 2010 – Melissa calls mommy and tells her that Zack will be coming home at some time during the Christmas break. She’s in LOVE. He’s “the one.” She knows it! “Third time’s a charm.” (her words, not mine.) Oh, and if you can count, you’ll notice this will be the FOURTH , but you can only count Jackson once since he was the same boyfriend twice. Trust me. Don’t try to make any sense out of this. I’ve tried. And I’ve come to the conclusion that with Melissa I must just nod my head and listen to her talk. To try and make sense of it will cause an aneurism.
Today. January 2011 – Melissa calls mommy at work and asks if I have two days of vacation that I can use. Yes. I do. Good. Because guess who’s getting married?? The wedding is on the 20th. Of this month. In North Carolina. That’s a Thursday. Why not a Friday or a Saturday? Because, she explains, the 20th is the 6 month anniversary of when they started dating! And you know, their history together is so long that there are so many sentimental things that *this* is how she chooses her wedding date.
Thus ends the saga of Melissa Warner.
Thus begins the saga of Melissa… Um… I don’t know what Zack’s last name is. *shrug*