>I thought this was going to be the last time I cried in my garden.  I was wrong.  Take note, everyone.  Today the Big Dog admits that she was wrong! 

With the complications of my surgery and the extra amount of time that the doctor had me on restrictions from doing anything, my garden has suffered.  Actually, suffered is not a strong enough sentiment.  It has be indubitably neglected.  Trying to play catch up on everything from housework, to workouts, to projects, to the yard the garden has been put on the back burner.  After the Japanese Beetles destroyed it, there was nothing to care for.  The plants were dead, so that area of my life was put on the back burner.  Every morning when I look out over my back yard domain I see my neatly mowed yard (thanks to Mark), my beautiful maple trees that are turning their spectacular fall colors, the VERY cool retaining wall that I finished a couple weeks ago.  And then I see my garden.  And it is so overwhelming.  Somehow a stray sunflower seed found its way into my blackberry bed and it grew like wild fire.  It was about 8 feet tall at its peek.  It’s dead now.  I’m sure it has dropped its seeds so next summer I will battle invasive sunflowers.  That sunflower is just one of the many things that are out of place in my once perfect garden.

I spent hours out there this morning.  HOURS.  Mark came out at one point and asked how it was going.  Damn him.  The tears just started and I couldn’t stop them.  “I’m so overwhelmed.  It’s too much to do.”   Mark, my ‘keeper of the even keel’, said, “Well, just do a couple of beds at a time.  You don’t have to get it all done today.”  Sounds rational, doesn’t it?  Well, it’s NOT!!  “But, the weather isn’t going to hold out.  It will be too cold before long to be out here.”  I know you all feel sorry for him, and that’s OK.  I do, too.  He’s been an absolute saint as we’ve figured out where my hormone replacement is going to take me.  I don’t know that we’ve got that all figured out yet, but he has an uncanny knack of calming me down.  Did I need to be reminded that I have drawn out the whole landscaping plan for my back yard and divided it into smaller sections so that the overall project didn’t become too overwhelming?  Why can’t I just look at my garden like that?  Why can’t it be good enough to get a few of the beds done and take it in sections and quit looking at the whole garden?  I don’t know why.  All I know is that in all the hours of working today, this is all I was able to get done:

 Can I tell you how frustrating that is?  I have the really, really overwhelming beds to go.  But I couldn’t keep going.  I had blisters on both hands (even though I was wearing gloves) and I have been having lower back issues and my back was throbbing.  So I had to call it a day.

This is what I have left to do:

Two large beds (the tomato bed and the blackberry bed) and two small beds (the strawberry bed and the cherry tomato bed).  I suppose I should be grateful that I still have strawberry beds because after the Japanese Beetle attack the plants all looked dead, but somehow they were able to survive the brutality of it.  And if my strawberry plants could survive, I guess I’ll survive, too.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

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