>In my love to laugh blog I mentioned my kids. Specifically Melissa….Making jello in the blue plastic bowl. I was going through some letters that I had written to her and it brought to mind one of my favorite Melissa stories. So I thought I’d share because it gave me a chuckle this afternoon.

Right before Melissa went to Marine boot camp (just over a year ago), she was at home for six weeks. It was as though she were hell-bent on getting all her partying out of her system before she went to get her ass kicked by some hard core Marine Drill Instructors! I’m a weird sort of a mom and believe that when you are living in my house that you use common courtesy and try to respect my rules. One of my rules is that you come home at a decent hour. A decent hour by MY standards, not a decent hour by an irresponsible young adult standard! So, Melissa, knowing that I would not appreciate being awoken at 3 or 4 in the morning, told me that she was going to spend the night at her BFF’s house. That was great by me. I have a difficult time sleeping when I know that not all the kids have returned to the nest. I’m always certain that they’re dead in a ditch somewhere. So, until I hear the door shut for the final time, I don’t sleep well. Knowing that Melissa would NOT be returning home, I slept like a baby! Not a newborn baby, up every two hours, but a 6 month old baby that sleeps through the night.

The evening after her sleepover, Melissa and I were having a discussion in the kitchen that started off with her saying, “You’ll never believe what happened to me last night.” I hate when discussions with Melissa start like that! Hate it, hate it, hate it! It turns out that she had decided to not stay the night at her BFF’s but that instead she would come home so that she could sleep in the next morning. Well, she was plastered when she got home at 4am. The doors were locked because I was not expecting anyone to come home that night. Melissa didn’t have her key. So she tried the downstairs door. Locked. That one is always locked. So she tried the back door. Locked. However, that particular door is the one that has the cat door in it. It’s 9 inches wide by 12 inches tall. Being in the plastered state of mind that she was, she thought she could get her shoulders and hips through that space. Melissa has my body. I have very broad shoulders and very broad hips. It’s a gift or a curse depending on the situation. Having babies? Broad hips are AWESOME! Getting through a cat door? Broad hips are a CURSE! Melissa managed to get her head, one arm, and a shoulder through the door, at which point she became stuck. Her sister’s room is downstairs so she began hollering for help from Michelle. Michelle was dead to the world. Outside was a good ol’ Midwestern thunderstorm, so Melissa is in this cat door with her hind end being drenched by rain. She managed to back out of the door and get back up to the front porch to debate her best plan of action. She could call me or she could call her BFF and ask her to come back and get her. Calling momma at 4am was not an option in her plastered brain so she went back and spent the night like she had originally told me she was going to.

The picture in my brain of her in the cat door has caused me quite a few chuckles over the past year. I can’t go downstairs to let the dogs out without seeing that silly cat door and laughing. WELL…..

Michelle and I were having a discussion about the possibility of getting through the cat door if you are sober. While Melissa was in boot camp, I wrote her a letter and attached some pictures to prove the point of what is and is not possible when one is sober. Here is my letter to Melissa:

Melissa…funny story! Michelle and I were debating the possibility of actually fitting through the cat door while you are SOBER!!! I said it could be done. She said that it could not! Who do you think was right?


The correct answer is: While it is true that our “genetically-predisposed-to-be-enormous” hips will not allow access through the actual cat door (drunk or sober) here is unarguable proof that while sober, you have the presence of mind to UNLOCK the door to gain entry!

There WILL be more Melissa stories down the road. There are far too many of them to keep to myself. Stay tuned!

Advertisements